“It must be crazy touring with the band, bro.“
There’s always been a slight absurdness to rock and punk acts being birthed from the heights of Eurovision. The first memory to many will be Lordi winning it in 2006 with “Hard Rock Hallelujah“, an act that embraced the absurdity of the competition with their own bizarre twist. However, it seems like the subsequent rock acts that embark on the competition didn’t get the joke and now take-themselves-very-seriously. Måneskin will be the well known example, who ended up as a farce, and now Blind Channel follow in the same suit as a tragedy.
The group represented Finland in 2021 and won themselves a certain following, even if they didn’t win the competition. This following would defend the group despite the evident shortcomings of Lifestyles of the Sick & Dangerous – right down to its groan-inducing name. Three years later the group persists, now following up with Exit Emotions which is nothing short of a dearth in songwriting.
Opener “Where’s The Exit” delivers the usual rock sensibilities the group are known for along with strong imidations of the style that Bad Omens have refined in recent years. It’s difficult to know whether Blind Channel are deep within some sort of bit or really LARPing it up when they deliver lines such as “This life is what you fake it” and “I’ve been making enemies out of rockstars“. The incessant crowbarring of vocal hooks on “Deadzone” and some of the most ‘high on one’s own supply‘ lyricism on “Wolves In California” makes for one of the most bat shit listens in recent memory.
“Now there’s big bad wolves in California
Back home we used to be the fucking black sheep, sweet
Now they calling us a flagship
Straight outta Hell-sinki”
The squeaky clean production is cranked up to such a level it makes Take Me Back To Eden sweet sounding, as it creaks against the ear in a pitched fashion on “XOXO“. A few tracks later “PHOBIA” delivers another absolute gem of lyricism:
“I’m the snakes
I’m the vipers
I’m the fear when you’re flying
You won’t ask for help
There’s no SOS“
The perhaps silver-lining to such hollow lyricism is it does retain one’s attention, for better or for worse. The rest of the production is dead on arrival, as “Happy Doomsday” proves. Atreyu did this better 17 years ago on the opener of Lead Sails Paper Anchor. There is a pervasive sense that each hook and riff has a beyond-choreographed nature to it; there is nothing that does not seem out of the box. All of this does seem rather palatable and inoffensive, but that’s until Exit Emotions indulges in “Not Your Bro“. This a display of dire rapping and even more of the daft lyricism, in nothing but a bad way.
The mind boggles at Exit Emotions. It is a record that leaves you wondering if the curtain is about to be pulled up as someone in a deep Finnish accent will be chuckling away shouting ‘Ah, gotcha!‘. Each track is packed with inoffensive instrumentals, designed to appease a wide radio rock audience, topped with lyricism that will be seen as comical to any sensible mind. Exit Emotions will hopefully serve as a bookmark for a band who will be a tricky pub quiz question in five years time, rather than anything meaningful beyond that.
1.5/10
Exit Emotions is out March 1st via Century Media Records.